This song helps and heals me in ways I can’t even begin to express. It gives me strength and inspiration. I have been knocked down, literally on the ground, and this song is what gave me the strength to get up. It’s my mantra, my prayer. This song saved my life.
MadibaÂ put it so perfectly, so I proudly use his words to describe what this means to me.
How do we inspire ourselves to greatness when nothing less will do? How do we inspire everyone around us? I sometimes think it is by using the work of others. Â When things get very bad, I findÂ inspiration in a poem. An Aarophat poem. Just words. Â But they help me to stand when all I want to do isÂ to lay down.
Sometimes I feel the dawn just as dim as the dusk,
Up in the sky all these black clouds following us and never go by
Niggas got motive
Don’t know who to trust
Even friendly eyes disguise what they want from a bruh,
And so I try to keep my head to the heavens
Watching the ground on my paseo
Staying focused on my j-o til its k-oâ€™ed
As days go flying
Look at the speed of time,
It’s mind blowing
One minute your grindâ€™s going, next you’re grey and old
Seems like aint nothing in your favor
After everything you pray for folds
Like the summer turns cold
The ice covers your life
Until youre sliding off the road
And you vie for control, to put some light up in your soul
And so I thank the gods for making me unconquerable
I know the damage all this darkness will do
True itâ€™s against all odds
Only the sharpness of your tools will walk you through,
I know its hard to do but
No matter what we gonna be right here
Thru all the wrath and all the tears
Unconquerable, we preserve
Invictus. No fear
I know I’m tired of waiting on happiness hibernating,
Praying it awaken
With a way I can break away from playing with satan
The struggle got my muscles shaking due to fatigue
And its hard for you to believe, without something to put your faith in
Iâ€™m walking with my face in a daze,
A zombie encased in a maze
Wondering where the key gon be,
Itâ€™s a lock on the pantry and I’m hungry
Plus I’mÂ slimming in my denimÂ jeans
I want to eat
Shit, I aint dieting
I’mÂ dying, man
Got my brains in the frying pan
Feeling so much pain
Still I try again, like maybe this time I can breathe
But this hustleÂ isnâ€™t easy on my diaphragm
Though I enhance in spite of the enemyâ€™s might,
I got to, and say fuck the world off the henny and pineapple
Under chance and its bludgeoning blow,
I learned how toÂ while covered in blood
Still find no one to bow to
No matter what we gonna be right here
Thru all the wrath and all the tears
Unconquerable, we preserve
Invictus. No fear
I got this ice water all in my veins,
My DNA strains contain a will that wont wane,
Its real, but complain?
We still just donâ€™t, man
We build our domain in silence
Against the going grain
Though the pain still shoots through my limbs
And rain putting mud stains on the roots ofÂ my timbs
I know its grim
But the mission is to drudge
And un soil the gems from the sludge
And we donâ€™t budge
til we holding them
Within the harness of circumstances,
We taking chances, to make advances
I’mÂ done with these portions of misfortune
Living lives cost
Looking with the poorest distortions
A man gets but only one journey
So we gotta turn cheese
before we roll out covered on a gurney
Cause through it all I’mÂ trying to see a dynasty
So that the family can live in the light eternally
I suffered a devastating loss. A gut punch that knocked the wind right out of me.
I couldn’t get off the couch for 6 days.
I couldn’t breathe it hurt so much.
The only reason I didn’t kill myself was because statistics are not in my favour.
Since I’m stuck here, and I can’t really live on the couch, I might as well start the work of healing. Again.
I thought I’d start writing about it.
Because talking and sharing apparently helps. But I’m not a fan.
But I’m getting so tired of waking up crying.
Crying and suffocating.
The pounding in my head hasn’t stopped since Tuesday. Feels like non stop construction going on all the time. Its so fucking loud.
I thought there was actual construction going on in the neighbourhood. I woke up to pee in the wee hours and thought theres construction happening outside at 2am! Not until mid morning the follow day did I realize the pounding was in my head.
Slow constant loud pounding in my head for 6 days.
Whoooop Â Whoooop Â Whooooop
Last week a doctor said to me, “… you’re suffering everyday.” Â And I made therapist person tear up. And that was when I thought I was doing pretty great. lol I was about to go on my dream vacation.. My childhood dream vacation. No wonder it turned into a nightmare.
It time I start beingÂ unapologetically authentic.
Living my truth. Sharing my truth.
I won’t be in today..
Don’t fuck where you eat, Don’t shit where youÂ fuck. It’s bad business.
- Galina ‘Red’ Reznikov, Kate Mulgrew
Do a little cooking, napping, eating, napping, contemplate mysteries of the universe or napping.
Or eat cheese. Thatâ€™s a vacation to me, is staying put and doing nothing.
– Anthony Bourdain
We just got back from a week-long road trip exploring the California Central Coast. It was glorious.
My favourite hotel room was a suite in Monterey. I didn’t realize that he booked a hugeÂ suite with fireplace, balcony, and a gorgeous spa bathroom. I would have been happy if all I got was that bathroom. The bed was amazing, bedding was luxurious, with soft plush blankets and robes. We were supposed to go out to dinner but we didn’t want to leave the bed. We had M&M’s and coffee for dinner that night.
I wish I took a more, and better pics, of this lovelyÂ suite and not just this pic I snapped as soon as we put our bags down.. and yes that my undies on the floor… don’t you (or your companion) rip your clothes off as soon as you enter a hotel room?
Of course, for me the highlight of any holiday is always the food. Oh my goodness the food. Fresh seafood for days. Quite literally.
Grilled Seafood platter in Monterey, Shrimp, salmon, sand dabs and scallops with a beurre blanc sauce, couscous and grilled veggies. The seafood was good, salmon and sea dabs were my favourite. And the couscous was really amazing.
Crispy fried calamari. When I mentioned to him that some of them look like spiders, he didnt want to eat it. I had no such problem. I’ve never met a sea creature I didn’t like eating.
My favourite place we visited on our trip was Morro Bay. Such a charming little fishing town. It reminded me so much of home, I want/ed to live there. Â We were there on a week day, it was quiet, mostly locals around. And everyone we walked by, or talked to was so friendly. I loved it so much on the way back we stopped there for the weekend. I much preferred quieter weekdays with less visitors.
And the food.. omg the seafood was amazing. This seafood salad with huge shrimp, crab and lobster was probably the best salad, and the best shrimp I have had since I’ve been in the US. Â So funny to me that they call it shrimp when its so big. We’d call them prawns, shrimp being the smaller ones, but in US it seems they’re all shrimp. And these shrimp were giant shrimp.
Oysters Rockerfella. I think the reason oysters are an aphrodisiac for me is that if he’s buying me oysters, theres usually drinks and more exquisiteÂ food to follow. And we both know which side of the menu I’mÂ ordering from – the expensive side. And thats a turn on.
Oh the lobster. I ate so much lobster. This was probably the highlight of theÂ trip for me.
The last time I ate so much lobster was in my teens when I spent summers at a fishing village called Paternoster, during lobster season. Lobsters were literallyÂ walking out of the water, and for about 3 weeks I ate nothing but lobster. Lobster for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
There is just nothing like lobster straight of the ocean, cooked in sea water. And theres just nothing like having so much lobster you get sick of it. Its like complaining about having too much happiness and joy.
While I didn’t have that much lobster on this trip, I will remember this as the Lobster Road Trip.
I’ve never been a fan of Surf and Turfs. I’m a seafood lover, I don’t need meat with it. But this bacon wrapped fillet mignon was a thing of beauty and may have turned me on to the dark side, or should that be red side. Â It was so good we went back toÂ have it a second time.
Of course I had fish and chips everywhere. This best fish and chips of the trip was the Halibut and Chips from Giovannis in Morro Bay. You can order seafood online from Giovannis! I’ve ordered from them in the past. Fresh seafood delivered to my door, without the huge shipping cost that usually comes with ordering refrigerated foods online.
This was the best fish and chips I’ve had outside Cape Town. And anyone who’s had the fish and chips in Cape Town will tell you its the best in the world.
Buffalo Calamari. They said, “if you like Buffalo wings and you like fried calamari, you’ll love this” I wasn’t so sure. Sometimes combining two good dishesÂ don’t always make a great dish, but they were right, buffalo calamari was yummy.
On our way back I saw an ad for a Nike Factory Store, and I couldn’t resist. Not only isÂ Nike my favourite running gear, but after a week of feasting I was going to have to put in some serious miles to work off all this glorious food.
The view fromÂ our room inÂ Pismo Beach. A private balcony and this view had us staying here an extra night. We were sad to leave.
The Lobster Road Trip of 2016 was simply sublime. The California Coast is stunning. I’m already planning the next trip.
Deux femmes courant sur la plage (La course)
Two women running on the beach (The race)
This is one of my fav Picasso paintings. It makes me so happy every time I see it.
Picasso is one of my all time favourite artists. Twisted perverted evil lil fuck that he was..every single one of his works beautifully pornographic.
I think that about my work.. its all about passion and sex.
Next to sex, cooking is the most intimate experience that I can share with someone.. I use my hands, my heart and soul and time, to combine flavours and textures to create a dish that you put in your mouth and body.. to feed and nourish it..
And when you moan out loud because its tastes so good.. you have a foodgasm.. mmmmm so good.
Yeah.. I just did it in your mouth.
Asian Italian Fusion Dumplings
I used wonton wrappers and stuffed them with chickenÂ and turkeyÂ sausage. I had some really good leftover garlic herb parmesan bread that I used to make breadcrumbs, and added extraÂ parmesan cheese and basil to the sausage stuffing. Served with marinara sauce.
TIP:Â Â Freeze leftover bread if you don’t think it’ll be used up within a day or two. They make for great breadcrumbs. Or bread pudding, or croutons or even toast. Its much better than using stale bread. Stale bread does not taste good.
I’ve always been moved and affected by music and art. The first time I heard the song Don’t Cry For Me Argentina from Evita, I was devastated.
I was 5 years old, sitting at the breakfast table, everyone yelling at me to finish my cereal and get ready for school. But I couldn’t move. I just sat there, tears welling up in my eyes, unable to eat for the lump in my throat, and a pain in my chest I didn’t understand.
I couldn’t go to school that day. My heart was aching. I spent most of the morning crying in bed.Â I cried for Argentina.
I just didn’t understand how everyone could carry on with their day when there was such sadnessÂ in Argentina.
Was also one of the first times my parents called a ‘man of the cloth’ to perform one of their “exorcisms” because I was obviously touched by the devil.
Ah those kooky religious people…Â The veryÂ epitomeÂ of hate and hurtÂ in my world.
This made me laugh out loud.
When I go to the grocery store I always bag my own groceries. Â I mean I bring my own bags, I might as packÂ them myself. And I like packing my groceries in the order I’ll unpack them. Â It usually becomes a talking point when I bag my groceries. Either the cashier or bagger will thank me so much and share stories of other customers, or someone will come along and insist on helping me. So bagging always involves a lot of conversation and laughs.
Next time I think I’ll show them this meme..
I love family style eating. Â Two of the most memorable meals of my life was in Egypt and Swaziland..
I sat on the floor covered with newspaper, sharing a meal with a family in Egypt. Â A huge metalÂ platterÂ of rice in the center of the newspaper ‘tablecloth’ and several dishesÂ aroundÂ the huge mound of rice. Â You just dug in with your right hand, taking some rice and some of the mostly vegetable side dishes. Meat was precious. The grandmother sat at the head of the ‘table’. She would fling pieces of meat to the children, and when she flung some meat at me I felt so special, like part of the family. I can’t imagine any otherÂ situation where I’m eating off the floor and someone throws meat at me and it makes me feel grateful and special.
In Swaziland, in public square, I saw a couple having dinner together. I was mesmerized and couldn’t stop watching them. They fed each other every bite of the meal. It was the most intimate, sensual and sexy thing I had ever seen.
I love eating and really sharing food together.
So I made a big sourdough bread bowl andÂ clam chowder for a special date-night-at-home dinner. Â I bet you didn’t know soup could be a romantic intimate experience.
Well, neither did hubby.
He seemed to think a bigÂ shared bowl of clam chowder, one of his favourite soups, was a challenge to ‘out-eat’ me.
He ate most of the chowder. Â The term ‘inhaled his food’ comes to mind. Â There was nothing romantic about it. His shirt and beard was splattered with chowder, it wasn’t pretty, but the sheepish satisfied look on his faceÂ was downright adorable.
A food coma ensued and upon waking he’s first words were, “Is it dinner time yet? Can we have more chowder?”
What is a god but the cattle’s name for farmer.
What is heaven but theÂ gildedÂ door of the abattoir.
fake Odin (Doctor Who)
I was craving soft yellow cake orÂ cheesecake. I couldn’t decide which, and I didn’t have many baking ingredients on hand.Â I had only one package of cream cheese and a couple ofÂ lemons. Â So I decided to experiment a little..
I started making a lemon cake, and then I found some coconut, so my lemon cake became a lemon coconut cake that turned out beautifully moist and flavourful. Â I made a cheesecake filling without the eggs to top the cake with. Yellow cake and cheesecake all in one!
This was one of those recipes that turned out so perfectly I wish I paid attention to what I was doing so I could make it again. Â Sometimes the yummiest things happen when I’m experimenting and they happen almost by accident. Happy accidents are often so hard to repeat.
I saw this recipe doing the round on the interwebs, and since the bacon is made the same way as the bacon for the insanely good bacon wrapped chicken bites, Â I knew that it had to be good.
The bacon is dipped in brown sugar and chili powder.
Sticky. Sweet. Salty. Spicy. Â And on a stick. Â Whats not to love?!
They didn’t turn out as prettyÂ and crinkled as they can be. I think that might have something to do with the fact that I used beef bacon which is thicker and less fatty than pork bacon. Â And I didn’t take care to skewer them all perfectly pretty, I just stabbed some bacon strips with a wooden skewer. Â Next time I think I’d make them without the skewers.
They were so yummy and so easy to make, they should come with a warning. I definitely cannot make this again unless we’re having a party orÂ sharing it with others so that IÂ only eat one or two (or 5). Sharing is caring.
A- Age: 40-somethingÂ
B- Biggest fear:Â Humans
C- Current time: 8:05am
D- Drink you last had: Water
E- Every day starts with: Coffee
F- Favorite song: Impossible to choose, but current song I can’t get enough of -Â UnstoppableÂ
G- Ghosts, are they real?: Yes
H- Hometown: Cape Town, South Africa
I- In love with: Food
J- Jealous of:Â Gordon Ramsey and Anthony Bourdain.
K- Killed someone?: I killed aÂ pastry recipe experiment. Turned out so hard it could very well have killed someone if you threw it hard enoughÂ .Â
L- Last time you cried?:Â Last Saturday
M- Middle name: None
N- Number of siblings: 3
O- One wish: To make my business a successÂ
P- Person you last called: The DMV
Q- Question you’re always asked: What are you?
R- Reason to smile: Food
S- Song last sang: Green garden – Laura MvulaÂ
T- Time you woke up: 5:30am
U- Underwear color: none.. comando baby
V- Vacation destination: Bali
W- Worst habit: Procrastination
X-X-Ray’s you’ve had: teeth. jaw. chest
Y- Your favorite food: Ice Cream
Z- Zodiac sign: ScorpioÂ
He was sharing his excitement about his all time fav superheroes, Jessica Jones and Luke Cage, coming to the life in the Jessica Jones Netflix show..
HIM:Â She is such a great character. She’s a mess with super powers, but doesn’t want to be a hero. She’s fucked up. She drinks too much, swears too much, sleeps around. She’s violent..gets into fights.. She has so many issues. She’s just all kinds of fucked up.
ME: I like her already. She sounds like my kinda people.
HIM: You’re pretty much her, without the super powers.
ME: So you’re saying I’m all kinds of fucked up?
HIM: Errr.. Â I think hear my phone ringing. (runs away)
The other day I told someone about the time I died.
The look on peoples faces when they hear that story always surprises me.
Doctors tried, apparently for quite a long time, but couldn’t save me.
I was pronounced dead. Isn’t that a funny expression.
Somewhere there is ‘Time of death’ paper work for me.
3.5 mins later I came back.
I really should write that story.